As I lay on my porch listening to my Zune with my dogs, I feel a bit of piece. It is a little chilly. The nip of fall has begun. I can feel my son inside me kicking away. I pray that he stays inside for he is far too little to come yet. At almost 25wks he had a 50% survival rate. But that is just not enough right now. On Wednesday, he tried to make his appearance. I can’t say that I was scared though. Somewhere deep down I knew that he would be ok. Not matter what happened. It seems a little morbid but I know that if he for some reason didn’t make, he would be taken care of. Between my grandparents and my husband’s mother, he would be taken care of in heaven. But thankfully he didn’t come. And now I am bound to modified bedrest until Tuesday. I am hoping that I will get to go back to work on light duty. As much as I bitch, work keeps me sane. It is a break from life. Caring for the elderly keeps a lot of things in perspective. I have learned from years of working in the field that all that matters in life is love. When you are old, gray and have nothing left, all you want is someone to love you. Just to know there will be someone there holding your hand when your time is up. It is something many people take for granted. Esp for someone like me who is so prone to become depressed. It is why being home by myself for most of the day unnerves me. There isn’t that distraction to keep the cold blanket of depression from wrapping around me. Since I came home from the hospital it has been my main concern. How to keep my mind. It is part of why I started this blog. Maybe if I get it out it wouldn’t swallow me whole. Just to keep writing between naps. But the fact that my ass is killing me from being on it all day is a big distraction. I don’t know how a doctor expects a person who works 8 hours a day on their feet to sit all damn day. Craziness! Oh well. My pained ass is worth keeping my baby where he needs to be. In the end that is all that matters. It is my love for him that keeps me going on. That and the fact my husband will kick my ass if I don’t follow the order. Lol such is life.