I have never been ashamed of my disorder. Shame was never the reason for me to bury my pain deep within my soul. Shame is not why I swallowed my tears and put on a brave face. Shame is not why I smile despite my brain was screaming. I was afraid people would see me based on some preconceived notion they were given from the media and poor education. I never understood why can’t people look into my eyes and see me? Why do they always see the disorder first?
Why is bipolar all that I am to some people? I am so much more. I am a mother. I am a daughter. I am a wife. I am a writer. I am a teammate. I am a lover of books and art. I am so much more than just bipolar. All it is is a small piece of a bigger puzzle that is me. I grow weary of being told of what I am and am not when people don’t truly know. How fat my bank account would be if I receive a nickel every time I have been told that I am not bipolar. I am so normal. They know someone who is bipolar and I am most definitely not.
There is a heartache when someone repeatedly denies the authenticity of your pain. It makes you question your existence. My battle is very much real. Mental illness does not fall into a neat little box. My illness is as individual as I am. My brain is very much my own. The clay I have been molded from has shaped my disease. Though I don’t meet your little checklist, it is very real. Nights when my brain screams ten thousand thoughts and I sob for silence, it is very real. Days when the sun is shining but my heart is clouded, those emotions are so real.
I will no longer suffer in silence. I will instead share. Share and educate, one person at a time. Slowly, I will change the world’s view on what bipolar looks like. I will do it in hopes that others may be able to find solace in someone they know. They can do it without judgement. They can do it with still being seen as themselves. We are all different. And that is what makes the world beautiful.
Softly she whispered
No more hate
No more tears
No more judgement
Let the world know love
Let it know how to be there for one another
Let it be safe
Safe to be
Love who you want
Believe in who you want
Speak from your heart
Learn from Babes
For they truly know the world
Dear Supporters of Brock Turner and Victim-Blamers,
Listen, I get your argument. I mean what respectable woman gets drunk and passes out behind a dumpster. I mean she should have been more responsible, right? But let’s be truly honest. Deep down you know that is wrong. You know that what he did is wrong. And if you don’t believe me, I need you to do me a HUGE favor. Ok?
I need to you to find your daughter, sister, mother, aunt, grandmother, whatever woman has importance in your life. It could be your wife, girlfriend, a cousin, your best female friend. As long as that person has significance in your life and she has a vagina, she will work for this exercise. Now I want you to sit this woman down. Look deep into her eyes. Then I want you to repeat the following:
“If you are ever raped or sexual assaulted, I want you know that I will know it was your fault. It was because of something that you said, something you wore, or because you drank too much. No matter the reason, it happened because of you. You just need to suck it up and not ruin this man’s life. This happened because he is a man and cannot control his impulses. You did something to egg him on.”
If you are unable to tell this to your loved one with a straight face, then deep down you know that rape is NOT the victims fault. Why? Victims of rape are someone’s loved one. She is someone’s daughter, mother, sister, wife. She means something to someone. Every time you see a case like this, I want you to see the victim as that important woman in your life. I want you to see her as a person who deserves justice. She is a person. She is human. She is not just a picture on your screen. She is a victim of a crime and deserves justice and support. She deserves the same outrage you would give your loved one.
So please stop the cycle and speak up. Be the person you would be for your own. Be the bigger person.
Woman around the World.