Not my intention

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Becca Moore of the Bipolar Parenting Foundation posted the above graphic on Facebook and tagged me in it. I was shocked initially because that is not what I intended when I starting blogging. When I started this blog initially two years ago, it was out of shear boredom. I was on bed rest with D. I think a posted one whole post and then forgot about it. Then when I was getting ready to quit my full time job back in March, I decided to try again. I thought I was going to be the go-to mom blog. I was very inspired by a woman who used to live in our town and then moved to Pittsburgh. She started a blogging and it inspired me to start writing. Many know her as Mrs Burgher of ‘lil Burghers. So I began writing about my kids and our day-to-day life and waited. And waited some more. I would get some likes here and there but not like I was expecting.

I thought I would be the kind of blog that did reviews and giveaways but it just didn’t feel natural. I felt like I was forcing myself to write. Then I decided to do a kind of writing project through WordPress. One of our first assignments was a free-write piece. It was the first time I really received any kind of reaction from readers. I really opened up about myself. At first I was kind of upset because I didn’t want the focus of my blog to be about my bipolar disorder. The original concept was to show I can be a regular mom despite my bipolar disorder. So I continued to hold myself back. It was like wearing a shoe that was slightly too small. Yeah you can get it on but it is uncomfortable as hell.

I held on to my little fantasy for about a month or so. I mean there are tons of quality blogs that are about bipolar disorder and mental illness. What could I possibly write that would be any different than what is already available? So just out of nowhere I decided to write “Feeding the Beast’. It was a child of word vomit. Most of my writing is. However the reaction was completely and totally unexpected. I had more views in one day then I had had in the two weeks. People commented on how they could relate or they never knew what it was like to have bipolar disorder. I had mixed feelings about this.

I mean who wouldn’t be excited that after 3 months of blogging something was finally noticed. I actually started to panic. I mean how could I possibly write something like this again. I was afraid it was some sort of lucid writing fluke. I felt this enormous amount of pressure to do this again. Plus this is NOT what I wanted to my blog to be about. I wanted to be the wholesome, give-a-way mommy blogger. Even though that is not me at all. I am not saying I am not wholesome but those kind of blogs are not my thing. Matter- of –fact I don’t even read blogs like that with a few exceptions. But who wouldn’t want to be a tester for awesome stuff and be on panels for mommy blog conferences. I did!

However in the blogging world you have to be true to yourself. It is how you procure followers. It isn’t that I don’t love my children. They are the center of my universe but I am not sure I want them to be the center of yours. However I have always wanted to help others. So I changed focus and began talking about my bipolar disorder. I am open and as honest as I can possibly be. My goal is still the same. I want to change the world’s concept on what mental illness looks like. And I am going to do it. One post at a time. Watch out one day you are going to see me on the Today show talking about this.

11 thoughts on “Not my intention

  1. Good for you, keep to your guns, and if you need some pointers let me know. I am in a company that can help you boost your blog and get your message to spread like wild fire. Sandy


  2. Bravo Lauren!
    This post hit my heart and I am so glad you have the courage to step forward and share about yourself. Every time I post a blog with a little bit of sharing, people love it. I’m sure that telling your story will help so many people.

    You remind me of when I came out of a battered-woman syndrome. I was asked to speak in a local college. I told my story and noticed that people were leaving. I got so scared I was boring them to death! Instead, I found out they were leaving and calling the battered woman’s shelter for some counseling. (days before cell phones lol)

    When we share our story, and how we are using our coping mechanisms we are helping people one at a time. Keep it coming!


    Liked by 1 person

    • I will be honest Donna, your comment made me tear a little. Your words are something that I really needed to hear. It is words like yours that keep me going. Just knowing that people believe in me, helps me believe in myself. Thank you!!


  3. Lauren, you are doing an awesome job and I have shared your blog so that the many people I know struggling with various depression conditions can gain some inspiration from you.
    Accepting who you are and being true to that is such an enviable strength.
    I hope that due to your new connections within our online communities you will continue to write as you do, knowing that you are helping hundreds, if not thousands if not now, in the not so distant future x 🙂


  4. Your openness, honesty and style of writing is what will continue to make you stand out from the crowd, Lauren. Feeding the Beast wasn’t a writing fluke, just you changing to the style that will keep you popular.


  5. Hello Lauren, I do agree that in the blogging world you have to be true to yourself., Congrats on finding your niche, I do know you will help others here by hsaring your storys.. Thanks for sharing..Chery :))


  6. This is a very inspirational s tory Lauren. I have found that blogging is a great avenue to tell our story and in the midst of that you have found your niche. Our followers can tell if we are genuine and I agree you have to be true to yourself. I thank you for your genuine and inspring story.


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