It is 10:49pm. I should be in bed.
Yet, the soft tumble of the dryer mixed with the gentle chip of crickets begs me to enjoy the moment of calm. Chaos is every day life with two small boys.
My day is filled with the sound of sirens alerting the small town in my child’s imagination that help is on the way.
There is the squeal of laughter followed by the clomping of feet as a game of chase with the dog ensues.
Shouting because someone will not share fills my ears at least once, if not twice, an hour.
My brain is overloaded by all the noises of stories both from my children’s mouth and those on the TV screen.
So yes, I should be asleep because I have a bout tomorrow.
I need to rest to be at my best. But I can’t help but savor the sweet moments of silence. I need to give myself some time to unwind from a day of refereeing.
He did this.
He took that.
The dog is doing this.
A string of never-ending need for my undivided attention to be divided between a hundred places.
I need a moment of peace to let the tight coil of my anxiety to slowly unwind. I need to breathe.
I need the silence to remind myself that this is all worth doing. At the end of the day, I need those sweet faces.
However, right now, I need a glass a wine and a hot bath.
I need mom time.