Raising a child is the single most frustrating, rewarding process that anyone will ever go through.- Lauren Kocher
I am a mother. I am not made of steel. No, I am made of a much softer metal than that. One that has a breaking point. One that my children sometimes push me to. It is not their fault but they don’t understand. However, I think sometimes the world forgets that mothers are just humans. We are not super heroes with a super mental strength. We all take a lot and sometimes it is too much. And you know what. It is ok. It is ok to sometimes fall apart.
I don’t know where it because the concept that moms were the keystone to the home. It was her job to keep the home together. She is the emotional pillar of strength. Show no weakness. She takes the brunt of it all, never waving. Whoever came up with this as a job description is an asshole. Before my children, I was a person who could only tolerate so much stress. And yes sometimes when the stress became too much I would fall apart. Then when I had my beautiful boys, this was luxury no longer afforded to me. Through the tantrums, fighting, cold meals, lack of sleep and all the other stresses of raising two toddlers, I am supposed to keep my chin up. I am supposed to swallow my tears even though no matter how exhausted I was. I was not to beg, pray, or plead with whatever deity that would listen to please let my child please go to bed without a fight.
So what if meal times has been turned into a battleground? I should be happy I even have children. You know people like that burn my ass. You have no idea of how many tears I shed because we didn’t know if we could even have children. How everyone around me was having babies, but my womb was still empty. So yes, fucker, I am grateful for my babies. But those sweet babies can be assholes too just like every other human on this planet. I am pretty sure it is an innate behavior. They smell that you are at your wits end and they just keep pushing. You want to get secret Intel from the enemy? Just stick them in a room full of cranky toddlers for a couple of hours. Trust me, they will break.
There is this weird expectation of perfection that is expected from mothers. I just don’t get it. I am not a perfect person to begin with. I have made mistakes over and over again. It is because I am human and that is what we do. This is how we learn and make improvements. That process doesn’t change for me or any other parent that takes on the title on of parent. There is no manual to raise a child. It is a steep learning curve. What works for one child may not work for another. Raising a child is the single most frustrating, rewarding process that anyone will ever go through. There has been many tear shed from believing that my children deserved a better mother than I. Yet they want nothing more than to have me hold them in my arms.
We put these insane standards on ourselves. We push them on our peers and expect them to uphold them also. We get so caught up in each other’s business, we forget all about our children. They just want a loving, safe home. Nothing more. Nothing less. Yet, it isn’t always easy. As much as I would love to dedicate every single waking minute to my babies, I am my own person. I need space sometimes. I can only handle so much sometimes. I have a breaking point. It happens. When you are running on no sleep, your husband is out of town, the baby is teething, and your other has reached the terrible 3’s, you can only bear so much before it becomes too much.
For some reason, we have to suffer in silence. We are suppose the bear the weight of the world and keep it locked up inside. Why? Why can I complain about my soy-latte being wrong but not about how my 18 month old won’t stop crying? How does the latter devalue my worth as a mother in the public eye? Please someone explain this madness of double standards. It is just utter nonsense that need to come to stop. You hear people say it takes a village to raise of child. However, most people misinterpret the message. It isn’t everyone’s responsibility to raise that child. It is our responsibility to support that child’s mother so we are raising happy, compassionate, understanding children. We need to be able to rely on each other for emotional guidance. Sometimes you just to need to hear you are doing a good job even though you may feel like you are not. This is where your village steps in.
So promise me something. I want you to walk to the nearest mirror or reflective and tell yourself that you are a good mom. And mean it. Then tell yourself it is ok to have bad days. It is ok to vent those bad day. Then I want you to tell every new mom the same thing. Until we no longer have this need to meet this ridiculous standard of perfection.
5 thoughts on “A mother is not made of Steel”
Just tweeted this, and I’ll come back later to read every word & comment! :))))) XOXO
Oh thank you dear. 🙂
Oh my God, I loved this.
My favorite part that made me laugh? (and agree with every fiber of my being!)
“I should be happy I even have children. You know people like that burn my ass. You have no idea of how many tears I shed because we didn’t know if we could even have children. How everyone around me was having babies, but my womb was still empty. So yes, fucker, I am grateful for my babies. But those sweet babies can be assholes too just like every other human on this planet. I am pretty sure it is an innate behavior.”
Thank you SO Much for speaking out!
You rock, as usual!
p.s. I will do as you ask – I’ll go to the mirror and tell myself I’m a pretty fucking good mom.
I got my kid to play one of my favorite games Smashball with me today. She was into it! As we played, she told today how “fun” I am & that I’m a “great mom”, which made me want to yell “HELL YA!”
I was such a totally fucked-up, depressed, suicidal mom for so many years that when I heard Rilla utter those words (without my asking her to say such a thing!) it’s beyond cool. I know you get it.
Fabulous post! You can bitch about anything you want any time you want to me (oh hi, I am Christina lol). I did a similar post yesterday after finding the 31 Day mommitment group on FB, you should chech the group out! It is all about supporting the Mom, not judging!
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Oh thank you!! I will have to definitely check it out. And I am Lauren. Hello!